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Some jokes and cartoons that tickle my funny-bone! 

Click on them to see the full picture.

Last Update: June 22, 2010


"I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable"

"Mystery Tour"

"I don't normally give lifts."

"No Entry"

"They don't seem to see the Minis."

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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside My house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.  And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been Promoted again.' And I swerved again.   He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road!' So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" 

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,go for it.

A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places.

The doctor said "well don't go there any more"


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4 Old Mini Cartoons

These were published in AutoCar at around the time the Mini was launched.  (Click to enlarge)


epson_prob_solve.jpg (80306 bytes)My New Printer

This isn't a joke really, just a note that I found in the box for my new printer - I thought it was really funny!  What do you think?  (Click to enlarge)

Gratuitous Motoring Joke

An English couple go to the south of France for a caravanning holiday.  At a local restaurant, they meet two brothers who are siamese twins joined at the hip.  They get talking about holidays.  The English couple say "We love France.  The food is good the wine is wonderful and the scenerey is beautiful".  The French brothers who annually go to England reply "In England the food is bland, the beer is flat and it all looks ghastly".  The English couple look puzzled and asked them why they bothered to go every year.  One brother shrugs and says "Well, it gives him the chance to drive".

Borrowed from

nils.gif (8208 bytes)I just love this one! The cars with soggy suspension - especially the one that is tipping over when the door is open!!

5thw.gif (15287 bytes)Well it happens to all of us - even those of us who are meant to be experts!! Love the way the fearless men send the Margo to do the dirty work!

tele.gif (10814 bytes)I'd better watch what I say about this one because I occasionally work from home and my boss might be reading this!!

The O'Mally Brothers

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course", comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland", replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course", replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin", comes the reply. "I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course", replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?", he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."

The Story of Scotland

At the beginning when God was creating the world, he was sitting on a cloud, telling his pal the Arch Angel Gabriel what he planned for Scotland.

"Gabby", says he "I'm going to give this place high majestic mountains, purple glens, soaring eagles, streams laden with salmon, golden fields of barley from which a whisky-coloured nectar can be made, green, lush, spectacular golf courses, coal in the ground, oil under the sea....gas".

"Hold up! Hold up!" interjected the bold Gabriel, "Are you not being too generous to these Scots ?"

Back came the Almighty's reply.

"Not really, wait until you see the neighbours I'm giving them !!!"

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